I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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