how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
