I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
