He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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