Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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