please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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