My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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