She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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