We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
