no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
