hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
