i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
