it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
