Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
