i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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