Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
