i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
