drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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