my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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