Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
