on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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