By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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