she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
