I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
