hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
