new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
