OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
