we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fuck appropriateness.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
