You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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