Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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