dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The best revenge is premature balding
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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