how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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