So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
