He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
