I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
40s are totally the cure
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
