Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
