how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
