All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
