After last night, I could never be a politician.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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