u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
