I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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