i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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