Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
