I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
