I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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