Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
