I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
