I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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