Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
