i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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