and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
