it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
