Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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